July 24, 2020
I have never been a religious person and just think to each their own. Talking with Caneisha, and seeing how her faith kept her, and still keeps her grounded was awe-inspiring. I wonder how many women would have reacted the way she did had they been confronted by infidelity as she started her ex-pat life in Dubai. Here is her story of how she persevered and even found her passion for helping others overcome their relationship problems.
Ten Years Of Expat Life: Coach Caneisha Berry
Growing up in North Carolina, Carneisha dreamt of travel beyond the confines of her little town. The world was just too big and waiting to be discovered. Her first brush with ex-pat life came in 2010 when her husband got a job teaching overseas.
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Her initial excitement was dampened upon joining her husband and discovering that he was having an emotional affair. Confronting that head-on, and coming out on the other side as a stronger couple buoyed by their faith helped to solidify their union, and led her to the niche of relationship coaching. She loved her life in Dubai, and after a few years, the family moved on to China. Covid-19 as we know disrupted a lot of lives, including theirs. They are now back on U.S. soil after making the decision to leave China.
Ten years of expat life highlights include:
- Growing up in a tiny town, and wanting to travel.
- Her husband landing a job in Dubai.
- Handling his infidelity and therapy.
- Her faith, and being a true believer.
- Starting her relationship coach business, and overcoming the victim mentality.
- Loving ex-pat life in Dubai, homeschooling, and learning to be assertive contrary to the advice given.
- Moving on to China for another job, and hating the school system there.
- Covid-19 and the decision to re-pat.
- Adjusting to life in the U.S. now after being away for 10 years.
- The anxiety of having a young black child off to college and one that was raised in a safer environment.
- Wondering if they made the right decision moving back to America.
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I tried to picture myself in her shoes and wondered if l would have made the same decisions. It’s hard to pass judgment on people when you truly haven’t walked a mile in their shoes. I rarely make snap judgments when l meet people. I like to ruminate :-). I think that was my insight with this interview.
Carneisha is indeed a strong woman who excels at what she does as a relationship coach and motivational speaker. Her compassion comes from her own life experience, and so she can empathize.
Listen to the ten years of expat life podcast here:
You can find Caneisha on her website
Her Berry Thoughtful Life FB page:
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Life in Valencia Spain Update:
Slowly, but surely, the number of new infections is going up, which is worrying to both the government and the citizens. There is no desire for another countrywide lockdown, but various regions are doing just that. Barcelona has the highest number of new infections, so that area is being watched closely.
A lot of provinces, including Valencia, are now shutting down nightclubs and gatherings of groups. One party that happened a few weeks ago has so far notched up 73 infections out of the 400 that attended. It is expected that approximately 40,000 restaurants across the country have either gone out of business or will be soon.
The European Union has approved a €140 billion Covid bailout for Spain. Roughly half of the money will be in the form of a grant, while the rest will be a loan. The payments will be spread out over six years. It is hailed as historic because this would be the very first time that the E.U will be in financial debt.
I can only hope that this money actually reaches those who need it. Like all big countries, Spain has had a high level of government corruption with Valencia right in the thick of it. Ultimately over 1,300 politicians were arrested and tried. Huge amounts of money stolen, never to be recovered.
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There is an ongoing investigation into the money laundering actions of the former King of Spain and a 65 million euro “gift” to one of his ex-lovers. At least she says it is, and should not have to pay it back. The current king of Spain renounced all inheritance he would have received from his father earlier this year. To say people are leery would be putting it mildly.
Masks, masks, everywhere:
Valencia, as of this past Monday, requires us to wear masks all the time. It’s no big adjustment for us as we were doing it anyway. I am happy about that because the tourists were definitely not wearing them, at least the ones we have seen. The €100 fine might be a deterrent. I hope so.
We are sticking with day trips for the foreseeable future. As soon as we get the car back from the shop. The poor thing died during the lockdown, and the mechanic has been so, so busy, he keeps promising to fix it manana… haha! We haven’t minded since we don’t need it, plus parking is horrendous, and it has a parking spot at his shop. :-). Our mentality has also changed l guess.
It’s been quite hot and muggy which has dampened my enthusiasm for being outside unless out of necessity, mainly doctors’ appointments. A few evenings, we’ve had a bit of rain which has been quite refreshing. Seeing the shenanigans still going on in the states, we are quite happy to be home here.
How’s life with you? Is the heat getting to you?
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Interesting podcast. I think you put it politically correct when you said its hard to pass judgement if you haven’t walked in their shoes. I’m in the camp that says “once a cheater, always a cheater” and it’s time to move along.
And then it comes up again when you mentioned the former king of Spain and the gift to his ex-girlfriend, news to me. Is his wife still hanging in there? Maybe she suffers from Hillary Clinton syndrome. When I lived in Spain, it seemed normal for married men to have girlfriends on the side. It might have shocked me at first but I just came to accept it as part of the country’s culture.
In BC nightclubs and bars aren’t allowed to reopen unless they serve food. No dancing. Kind of a death sentence for nightclubs! A lot of people here too that weren’t using their cars got a bad surprise when they tried to start them again! Whether or not I’m working I use my car daily to check on my horse.
I hear what you’re saying and truly can’t comment unless l had experienced something like that. It can be difficult to give up on 12 years of marriage at that point, and this happened 10 years ago also. I’m sure lessons were learned and they managed to salvage their relationship.
The queen certainly exists at 81 years old. There is a growing movement to abolish the monarchy, no matter how much the son tries to distance himself. They just had another protest. Another 100 million dollar bribe paid to him by a Saudi king and a briefcase full of cash on one of his trips to Switzerland and I’m sure there will be more to come. Yikes! He refuses to comment. It does seem to be common to have girlfriends as well as wives here, so go figure.
It’s a death knell for a lot of discos and such. I’m glad l’m past their age, but it must be frustrating for them. Haha! The poor car. Now finally fixed, had so many things wrong from sitting so long… cylinders corroded, but it’s purring like a kitten now, and thank goodness the prices are very reasonable. It would have cost us at least 1500 dollars if not more in the States. We paid like a quarter of that. 🙂
I always said that I would never give a second chance to a cheater, but I can say I’m happy I wasn’t really forced to make this choice. When many years of marriage are involved, as well kids, it’s not as easy to put words in practice. Everybody will screw things up sooner or later, one way or another – it’s part of what makes us humans. And being in a solid relationship means that you have to learn to get over the problems and make things work.
I also liked hearing the bits about homeschooling and education in China – these are two things that I am interested in more and more these days as I think that the entire schooling system will be forced to change as well.
40,000 restaurants to go out of business! This is absolutely insane. I’m starting to feel more and more that all we’re seeing so far is still nothing but the calm before the real storm. Because as soon as the snowball starts rolling (and it might have already started), it will be very difficult to control.
Yep! It is hard to give up on twelve years of marriage and kids for one transgression. Like you, I’m glad l have not been confronted with a case like that because it’s easy to say one thing, but in reality, everything is not so clear cut. You just have to make the best decision for you and your family.
Yes, I know home-schooling is on your agenda. I don’t blame you at all. I think it’s going to be a bigger movement going forward. It’s obvious the powers that be can not even agree on what steps to take to protect the kids.
We are seeing the calm before the storm. The world will be in for a lot of hurt. Already you can see so-called first world countries looking like third-world ones. Long lines for food distribution, so many out of work. Of course, it’s even worse. I see what’s happening in South Africa and Nigeria for instance where people are literally dying to go back to work, corona or not. They are dying of hunger. How could everything have turned so frigging upside down in such a short time? I also think the snowball effect is already in play. The news will get worse, and it will be a long time before this disaster gets cleaned up. I feel angry, sad, and helpless. My siblings and l feed the people of our village who are destitute, but it feels like so little. There are so many people everywhere.
Thank you to Carneisha for her honesty. I think it is great that they were able to work out together what was wrong with the marriage and managed to get back on track. A 12 years marriage is already a successful marriage. It is great that she can now help other people and use her own experiences to coach others.
I have seen on the news that Spain has had an increase in COVID cases and therefore people returning to the UK from Spain now will have to quarantine. It is such a shame that this is happening, but I guess all countries are at risk of having a new wave of coronavirus outbreak.
We are planning to travel to Italy in September, so fingers crossed borders will be open and we will be allowed to travel.
I agree with your conclusion. 12 years is already a long time invested and with kids in the mix, it would be hard to give up. Most marriages these days don’t even seem like they last that long, and l doubt if everyone is perfect or knows the right answers to all. It’s good that she can share her experience with others.
The numbers in Spain have indeed been rising, but l think there is something else at play here with the 14-day quarantine when people go back to the U.K. It seems hypocritical considering how things were handled there. Personally, I think the borders were open too soon in a money grab. Both sides want to have tourist money, for people to spend locally, but Spain also wants the tourist dollars.
I hope you get to travel as planned. Things change so rapidly. I don’t really want to be in a situation like we had back in March, having to hightail it to Marseille to re=enter the country, so l think l will stick with around here, but even that, some regions are on lockdown and would hate to be stuck. Too costly :-).