Immigrant life has been illuminating to say the least. Sometimes l have to pinch myself because it seems that the past five years have just flown by. Technically, it is 5 years and 4 months to the day we left the U.S in search of greener pastures. Long time readers know that we got tired of the rat race, and things really came to a head after my sister’s passing. Our dreams of travel had somehow gotten pushed into the background and we found ourselves saddled with jobs, cars, house (no white picket fence though) and 2 dogs instead of little human beings.
Three months after my sister died, Federico’s dad also passed away. At that point, I had come to hate my retail pharmacist job. It was no longer fun, and actual patient care became came secondary to company greed. It was more important to sell patients crap from the front store, and pharmacists became salesmen. We were basically asked to bully people into buying medication, something that left a sour taste in my mouth. It was time to get the hell out of Dodge. So we did!
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Musings on immigrant life after 5 years of travel:
In every relationship, there has to be the good time Charlie and the Scrooge! Guess which one l am. I wanted to take off right away and figure things out later. He shut that down really fast. We had to save a certain amount of money, get rid of deadbeat properties, and be debt free. I totally hated him for at least a year :-), but we hunkered down for the next three plus years to make it happen.
What is immigration?
Immigration is defined as the action of coming to live permanently in a foreign country. This is exactly what we did when we moved from America.
Our first destination was Malta after extensive research. The cost of living was great, the weather pretty good and English was an official language, along with Maltese. The plan was to stay there indefinitely. It was convenient to Rome (1 hour by plane) to his family and Nigeria is a lot closer than the U.S so it was a win-win situation. While we enjoyed our time there, we discovered that island fever really is a thing, which brings me to the first point.
Related: Selling our house from abroad
Immigrant life lessons learned:
Paradise can become a fish bowl:
At the beginning, it was wonderful. Idyllic and we enjoyed it very much. After a while though, island fever began to set in. I hadn’t believed in that, but l think around the 11th month mark, we got bored. It felt like we had seen and done what we wanted to on the island. It is only about 17 miles long after all.
Malta also get insanely crowded with tourists and our normal 20 minute bus ride to get groceries stretched to 75 minutes because space would only be available on maybe the 4th, 5th or 6th bus! When we switched flats, our first requirement was one close to a grocery store so we could walk. We ended staying there for 15 months total. This brings me to the next point.
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Be ready to make changes:
It would be wonderful if things worked out as planned. Once we realized that Malta was over for us, we had to decide where to go next. I didn’t want to research anything. As long as the winters weren’t too severe, we were open to pretty much anywhere. I literally closed my eyes, pointed my pen at the European map and it landed on Malaga, and that’s where we headed. Looking back, I should have discounted that one and pointed again :-).
We only lasted 7 months in Malaga. Neither one of us liked it for many reasons. It was a stressful time. I’m not the cleanest person in the world, but l actually refused to go grocery shopping or to the bank with him because it required walking towards the back streets which reeked and you forever had to dodge dog poop, like every other step. We have dogs and l just can’t understand why these f******s don’t pick up after their dogs.. and they eat on at the sidewalk cafes!!!
Think of your expat/immigrant life as an ongoing experiment. Be Goldilocks and keep looking for the right fit! We rocked Seville for 2 years and the search for cooler weather landed us in Valencia which we are both loving so far. Federico has mentioned staying for at least 2-3 years! without any prompting from me. If it happens, so be it. If not, on to the next place.
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Visiting a place as a tourist versus living there is completely different:
We had done a 2 week research trip before actually moving to Malta and we loved it. Restaurants, beach, discovering ancient sites, the sister island of Gozo etc. It was great and money was of no concern. Moving there on the other hand, you realize that life is a bit more tedious. You have to do the regular things like groceries, laundry, etc, especially when living on savings and rental income. The newness wears out and it becomes like home, so if your home life sucks in the U.S or wherever, prepare for it to suck wherever you move to. It doesn’t just magically become a fairy tale.
You need to adjust to your new life and the way things work THERE!:
This is a big one for most people. I have to admit that Federico struggles with this. He’s constantly frustrated at the grocery store (slow cashiers, even slower customers), bank (nice to the locals, rude to the foreigners), restaurants (only 1 waiter for the whole place). I just accept that’s the way they do things and go with the flow. He constantly compares it to the U.S. I think the customer service there spoiled him forever. He complains about that in Rome too (just so you don’t think it’s only in Spain 🙂 ). There are no McMansions, people live in average houses or apartments where the bedroom has just enough space for a bed. Get used to it. There is hardly any open floor plan.. haha! I still have a bit of trouble with that, but l’m getting better, as is he. Point is, you can not go and change a whole country, you can either blend in or f**k off!
Your family and friends count may shrink:
Neither one of us has a gazillion friends to begin with. You will find that a lot of them don’t understand your need to travel. There’s nothing wrong with that. Not everyone needs to be traipsing around the world. They may start to distance themselves from you. You have to be okay with that. My core friends, I’ve known for 30 plus years and I’m still friends with most of them. Same for him. My family always knew l was the weirdo in the family, so they are never surprised when we move. We only have to worry about 2 dogs who are happy wherever we are. A few friends have become polite strangers, and that’s okay. Be ready for jealousy to rear its ugly head sometimes.
Adapt to the food and local cuisine:
After these past years, I have come to dislike ham, not that l was ever a big eater of it. That is the main food in Spain. Italy too come to think of it, so it has not been a hard adjustment for Federico. He has eaten it since birth. Other local Spanish food involves a lot of potatoes, and delicacies like pork cheeks. Be adventurous and try new foods. I have seen other immigrants craving food from home and spending an awful lot of money on groceries because they will only buy familiar foods which means higher prices of course since they are imported. They of course then complain that their cost of living is no different… well..duh!!!!
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Have your ducks in a row before setting out for immigrant life:
I won’t go into that too much. I have already written about the shysters. Unless you have a portable job or have funds, don’t pick up and think you can just get a job once you arrive. Spain for instance has a high unemployment rate and jobs are really hard to come by. If you do get one, the pay is insanely low. A lot of the locals work 2-3 jobs to make ends meet. At our gym, the instructors pay was just lowered to 9 euros/hour and their hours cut to boot…and they speak Spanish!
Slow travel makes sense for us:
I admire the people that travel and are constantly on the go. It takes way more energy than I’m willing to expand. From the beginning, we had always known that slow traveling would be more our style. We moved to Europe because we wanted to experience life here. We also wanted a base. We have always signed a long lease, and will continue to do so. We get to see a side of the cities that short term visitors don’t. We eat at local places, shop for Spanish products, thereby lowering our cost of living.
Related: Valencia life update
You’ll find it both harder to make new friends and easier to make new friends:
You will definitely find it harder to make friends with locals. I have found for the most part, most Spaniards, Maltese, Germans etc..etc.. have and keep friends from childhood till death. It’s almost impossible to break into that inner circle. They do however make really good semi-friends. Ones you say hello to at the gym, restaurants, grocery store, have a bit of conversation. It makes your day, and truth be told, I’m okay with that. You will find it easier to make online friends, ones who are maybe on the same path, or others contemplating the same path. Some even become real life friends which makes it awesome. I think you also become more of a “world” citizen with travel. It broadens your horizon and hopefully, it makes you realize just how good you have things compared to the rest of the world.
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You say Expat, I say immigrant:
Whatever! Just don’t be a twat!
Life is good..and we wouldn’t trade it for anything. Maybe first class travel :-). I have to slip one of my favorite movies in here because l love the way Nacho says it. We don’t wake up at 5 though.. haahaa!
https://youtu.be/A4w5slsO_C0
My last point is perhaps the most important one, at least to me 🙂
Love the one you’re with in your immigrant life:
I am extremely stubborn. Federico is equally stubborn, if not more so! This can make things very heated when we disagree. If there is no love pulling you through, forget about it. Your couple travel becomes a solo one! We’re coming up on twelve years of marriage and know each other pretty well so it works. One thing l do look for in an apartment is space for us to cool off after a fight. He has the knack to read people right off and if he feels you’re a phony or a not so nice person, it’s over. You’ll know it, I’ll know it, everybody will know it. It seems to be a European thing. I meantime, operate like an American as Calin’s wife puts it :-). Politeness all the way. During your travels, you spend all time together, so it’s important to have a strong bond. Laughter goes a long way.
Immigration Life Stories:
Living here has meant meeting with other immigrants who have settled in Valencia and hearing the stories. Most are similar to ours which just goes to show that most people just want a sense of belonging, peace and a better quality of life.
So, there you have it, our reflections after 5 years of slow travel. Are you travelers? If so, what kind of travelers are you? Do you have anything to add to these points? Anything you might have discovered on your travels that will benefit others?
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Glad you are finding you MIGRANT life to be what you want. And, thanks for sharing your visitations with us.
Haha! I am so glad l can count on you :-). I get carried away with trying to find the right phrase for the title. Corrected 🙂
As always, I loved reading this article! It’s important to me to read about the experiences of others going through the same thing I hope to go through as well. We’re still reluctant when it comes to making the big step and actually moving out long term, mainly because we have a little kid only speaking Romanian (not the most popular language in the world) and we don’t have that financial cushion to make us more confident. Sometimes it works if you jump head-first and sometimes it doesn’t. You had Federico to slow you down and help you prepare for the move, I have my wife. So yes, being together with somebody you love and trust, who understands you and you understand as well is really important. Two minds are better than one.
Life away from home is indeed more difficult – or at least different than what you’re used with and this is one of the nice challenges this way of living comes with. And it is true that going some place for a week versus longer periods of time is completely different. As soon as real life kicks in and vacation mode is out, you’ll find out that no place is as perfect as you’d like it to be. But as long as it is better than what you left behind and you are truly happy, that is all that matters.
And now with the internet and blogs, it’s even easier for us to find likeminded people and make friends, even though mostly online. I too find it difficult here to make new friends or keep old ones, simply because most of the people today are in the rat race, trying to impress others with their possessions, buying new cars and gadgets and adding extra levels to their houses, but not enjoying life. It’s just a different mentality and things don’t click any more. But it’s OK, you can find wonderful people online, then meet them in person, wherever in the world they are. This beats fake friendships for sure!
Again – loved reading this article! It was the perfect way to start my morning. Real suff, stuff you have a lot to learn from!
Thanks for reading C. I always like reading about real life experiences. Anyone can give me the top things to do in any given place, but to find out how life is under all the gloss, that’s what l need. It was one of the reasons l started the blog. In doing research on Malta, it was hard to find real life experiences. One that told you the true cost of living..etc. It is definitely nice to have someone who can throw a little cold water on half thought out plans. I can totally see Alina in that role..haha!
I know you have been experimenting with a month or longer from home at a time testing the waters, which l think is a good way to do it. It lets you know things that you would otherwise not have noticed as a visitor. I noticed on one of my FB groups yesterday that Valencian is to be about 70% of the schooling, making it the dominant language and Spanish taking a back seat. Things that some parents didn’t think about beforehand, because basically, not only do their kids have to be coached in yet another language, but one which really wouldn’t be useful outside of Spain.
I agree with you that the life you go towards must be better than the one you left behind, otherwise why bother?. Indeed when your friends are on a different path from you, it gets harder to remain friends. I think it’s just a cycle of life. The internet certainly ha smade it way easier to make friends and to keep in touch with family and friends so that is awesome. So glad you enjoyed the post ! 🙂
Really well written article! Very informative!
Thanks Missy :-). Glad you enjoyed it!
I live in a new country every 3 months (per US visa rules) & really like it this way. I’m there long enough to connect to the community, get involved, make a few friends through groups. A few of them, like you said, continue to be friends which is a great bonus.
I live locally, eat locally, all that stuff. Each place becomes my home. When people ask if I’m enjoying my holiday, I always say I’m not on holiday, I live here. I can relate to a lot of what you’re saying in this article.
The blending in is major. I meet so many “expats”, “immigrants”, etc who complain about the negatives of the country they’ve moved to. And I resent people who come to a new place & try to “fix” it so it’s like where they came from. It should be a learning experience & that requires flexibility & patience.
I think it’s so cool and really dive into a new place wholeheartedly and with an open mind. Otherwise why go if as you mentioned, you want to change the place into where you just came from? It just doesn’t make any sense! You might have well have stayed home. I enjoy the way you travel and like keeping up with your posts, well except for the cats… :-). 3 months is not a holiday because you get to delve deeper into the lifestyle. I know you’re wrapping things up in Cyprus now…can’t wait for the next chapter :-).
What a thoughtful, lovely piece! I really enjoyed reading about your travel journey plus all the tips offered. So funny about Malta, I agree it’s way too small to live long term. Spain is bigger with so much cultural variation I am not surprised you prefer it. I wonder, do you look back & think – we could have done this or that differently? What would you change if you could?
Thanks Lili for the kind comment. That’s a good question you asked. Looking back, l think there are some things l would have done differently which are: Sell the house from the start, you know go all in. We kept it as a backup just in case we had the urge to move back. It was just a big headache, it took a couple of months to rent because of the size and the rental price so it was a lot to come up with. We should have sold. Secondly, We should have gotten rid of all our belongings rather than keep the storage. It took us just over 2 years to return and it was $260-280 per month storage fee for crap we ended up giving away for free mostly, not to mention the damn moths that ate all my antique rugs.I already mentioned skipping Malaga completely :-), and the last thing is l would have cut off some people from my life a lot sooner. I think sometimes l’m in a rush to make friends being so far away and what looks good on the surface sucks under it. You find a lot of people are “takers”, not givers. I’ve become more selective now.
Lots to mull over there. I’m yearning for the FIRE life and it’s so important to have solid financial resources. My husband tends to lean towards renting our home, but I want to cut ties & release the money quickly. I’m also wary of renters who can be unpredictable and end up being a headache! Storage is really expensive and ultimately they are just ‘things’. If they were not important enough to be taken along then they probably should be sold or gifted. I totally see what you mean! It’s definitely harder to make good friends with time, I have made mistakes & tried to force things only to realise we had nothing in common. I’m much more relaxed these days, if it works, great! If not, c’est la vie!
I think a financial cushion is crucial. It can ruin a lot of your good plans if you don’t plan that part right. In my opinion, like you say, renters can indeed become unpredictable. Our house had the biggest mortgage and so we had to be selective as to the renters. We’ve made the mistake in the past where we have judgments against renters but no way to collect. I agree with you, better to get rid of everything, it really adds up. Very painful lessons and it will certainly relieve stress not to have that worry. I’m glad you have come to the same conclusion with friends selection. It has to be 2 way and it takes effort too.
A great recap of your last 5 years. It all goes to show how much you can learn if you travel with an open mind.
You definitely need to have an open mind to travel. Hopefully we learn along the way too. Thanks for reading.
What a journey you’ve been on — with lots of takeaways for you and others!
Thanks for reading Irene :-). Quite a ride so far..
It often amazes me Kemi, my online friend turned to real-life friend, how much of our lives seem to have run on parallel tracks. Despite our different backgrounds, we have many experiences in common, from rethinking priorities after losing a sibling and friend to throwing in the pharmacy lab coat and leaving the ‘American Dream’ behind. We recently celebrated our 6-year exit from the US in September and, like you, have no regrets about changing our location, lifestyle and redefining the things that matter most to us. I agree with your points about remaining flexible, accepting that there are different ways to do things and looking at living in each country as an ongoing experiment. Like living itself, travel is an evolution of finding out more about yourself and where you feel happiest. Anita
Yeah..you gotta love the internet for some stuff. To think we were leading parallel lives and in the same states sometimes.. Cali and Texas..haha and then meet up in Europe and become cherished friends..well..that’s just amazing. I don’t regret leaving at all as l feel the adventures we are having now is so good and it’s always fun and the sense of wonder is still there after all these years. Slow travel and actually living in a place works well for us and for you. Let’s hope it stays so 🙂 :-).
I totally identify with your island fever in Malta and hardness of making friends there. My boyfriend is Maltese, but lives in Wales, and he only visits family a week at a time. I stayed 5 weeks during summer, mostly by myself, and pretty much hated it. Because I love to stroll streets, well, there is only a handful in Xlendi and walking on the main road on Gozo you pretty much risk your life because they are the worst drivers in the world. Making friends wasn’t easy either, even with people he knows, they’re British and they 100% stick together talking in slang that I don’t understand. It was an easy choice for me not to bother with them. I’m an open welcoming person, if someone can’t bother to speak clear proper English to have a conversation, the heck with them. Obviously I have to keep going back and I’ll have long periods of solo stays, so to make island life tolerable I will work on hobbies 😉
It must be more challenging traveling with your dogs. If you didn’t have any before you left the State’s, would you have them now?
Yeah. That is tough. You’re right, there are a lot of British people there and yeah.. they are in their own little world..kind of like Benidorm or Alicante in Spain. I think l would have gone crazy 5 weeks in Gozo. Haha! I had to laugh at the worst driving comment. The worst part is that there is only 1 lane per side and no sidewalk, so just walking, you are taking your life in your hands..LOL! I often had people ask if they should move to Malta when they’re wheelchair bound. Unfortunately, there is no provision for that. Hobbies are definitely a good thing, reading, writing and photography, not to mention online scrabble and words with friends.
Looking back, I think we would have stayed a bit longer and found new owners for the dogs. It does make it stressful traveling with them. Finding apartments that allowed dogs in every place was even more stressful so we have had to make a lot of compromises. In Malaga, we ended up in a lower class barrio that was horrible. We have had to take first floor apartments which are just about the only ones that have patios in Valencia. Penthouses have them too, but the cost and the fact that they get snapped up asap makes it impossible. We also pay quite a bit of money when we go away and don’t find house sitters. The saving grave is that both dogs are really good, hardly make noise and once we move in, the neighbors are like.. oh we didn’t even know you had dogs… :-). Our last neighbor confessed to the landlord after we moved out how he had hated the fact that we had dogs, but forgot about them quickly because he never heard them and that we were great neighbors except for weekends when we watched football..haha! Everyone in the city can hear Federico swear when his team plays :-).
I really loved hearing about your last five years — I feel like I know you so much better! Can’t wait to hear about the next five!
Thanks for reading Patti. It has been a great 5 years and l hope the next 5 are even better :-).
Finally, in the midst of planting our roots back in the States in the ‘just in case place’ as this house will forever be known, I found a moment to read your wonderful post. Oh how we can relate! I love the observation that expat/migrant life is an on-going experiment. . .for sure. The moving van had barely deposited our belongings at the just in case place when we got word of a hurricane barreling towards our Greek home. Thankfully only a destroyed garden and debris in the village but still a reminder that we ain’t in Kansas anymore Toto!! Keep your reports coming. . .and one of these days I do plan to meet you face-to-face!
I was thinking of you guys and was going to write, so I am very glad to hear from you. I knew you were back in the states but wanted to know about the house on the hill :-). Glad there was very little damage. Haha! You definitely are not in Kansas. The weather is going to pot in a lot of places sadly. Glad you’re settling into the just in case place :-). See you soon! Let’s make it sometime this year at least :-).
Hi Kemkem. Thanks for sharing all that. Very informative and much good sense! It’s difficult in many ways for people to travel and spend significant time in another country mainly due to lack of income – it’s not easy finding paying jobs in foreign countries and probably paid under the table. The other thing is stuff. People spend a lifetime putting together a well stocked house and probably own cars. It’s not easy to get rid of stuff and expensive to store. And I have big stuff. I have an 1895 grand piano I don’t want to part with but I still need somewhere to put it. And something touched on is how to stay in a foreign country for a length of time. When I was living in Spain it was 3 months. You could leave and come back in again a few days later and start the 3 month thing over again. Is that why you’re always traveling to other spots in Europe!? And another thing you touched on that I remember in Spain – no friends. Sure, I had people chat with me and recognize to say hi to in the nearby park, but nobody wants to take it beyond that. And I’m not talking about the ones with questionable motives!
Hi Cheryl! Thanks for reading. You make some wonderful points as well. It is very hard for people to give up their normal life for a life of the unknown and strangeness. It can be very stressful and one has to be in the right fame of mind to accomplish it. In Spain for instance, it is almost impossible to find a good traditional job. One of my new friends at the gym is a lecturer. Believe it or not, she works 265 kilometers away!!!! So 3 times a week, she has to drive almost 7 hours a day to lecture and come back!. She is Valencia born and bred, but has to go where the job happens to me. Now imagine how much tougher for someone who doesn’t speak the language…so l worry when people have no plans, turn up and say they would do anything as far as jobs..when there’s nothing even for the locals. Your piano reminds me of when we moved from Hollywood. We had bought a piano off the prior owners (cheaply cos it was a bitch to move). We suffered the same fate when we left, we left it there as it was too costly to move :-(. I dn’t play either..haha! so it was no huge deal. You can still do the 3 month in, 3 month out and there are plenty of bloggers who do that. We just prefer traveling around Europe as neither one of us desire traveling to Asia and South America and we have both been to Australia. He was born and raised in Rome so he is an Italian citizen. I don’t have to do the in and out because as his wife, I am entitled to E.U residence, we just like European countries and hope to add more African countries to our travels. As far as making friends, it really is hard..you can chat. I have come to realize that as a culture, Spanish people don’t invite you to their house. Even among themselves, they socialize by meeting up at bars, restaurants etc. It used to bother me, but now doesn’t so l have slowly shifted to asking to meet up for walks, drinks like they do. I have definitely noticed a shift in my attitude. I think Valencia suits me, and l am slowly finding my feet :-).