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Reverse culture shock was very worrying to me prior to our return trip to the U.S. Having been away for the last several years, I was afraid that we would have a hard time adjusting to a return back to the States.
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Thankfully, it was not as bad as it could have been. The gods smiled upon us and made things easy. A lot of my relatives are extremely happy right now. I had been complaining a lot.
Reverse Culture Shock Experiences In America:
What is culture shock?
The official definition: The feeling of disorientation experienced by someone when they are suddenly subjected to an unfamiliar culture, way of life, or set of attitudes.
Reverse culture shock on the other hand is the psychological and emotional distress that can happen when one has been away from their home country for a long time. This can lead to difficulty in adjusting to their old life because it has now become unfamiliar.
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Clearing out our storage space:
Our main reason for visiting, apart from seeing old friends and family was to clear out our storage space which had just been costing money monthly. Once the decision had been made to stay overseas for the foreseeable future, it was the right thing to do. Reverse culture shock set in as we realised that the U.S. as a whole is like one big commercial for consumerism.
All the expensive things that we had thought we couldn’t live without now seemed like a waste of money. Memories are what counts. It was unemotional giving away costly toys like two Bose 3-2-1 systems, Playstation, Nintendo and Wii. Yes, we had all three. What wastefulness.
Reverse culture shock is a very real thing, and can be traumatic for a lot of people. It’s not unusual to feel like strangers in their own land after being away for a long period, fall into depression and require a period of adjustment. I was curious to see how l would feel being back on U.S soil.
Reverse culture shock: Language
Part of me was thrilled to be back. It was great to hear English spoken all around me. It actually takes a while for it to hit you. Living in Spain and mostly only hearing Spanish, I am used to tuning out a majority of conversation. When you realize you can understand what everyone is saying, it feels good!
Reverse culture shock: customer service
Always a big one. I have mentioned before how bad customer service in Spain is. Back in the States, it was a shock all over again to have great customer service where employees were polite, and you weren’t terrified to purchase something because you could return it if it didn’t work out, something pretty much unheard of in Spain.
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Driving was pleasant:
It felt great driving on the freeway, like l had just done it the day before, and not almost three years prior. I didn’t have to worry about roundabouts and how to merge unto them. People obeyed traffic rules for the most part, and there was order, not chaos, even with traffic. Sometimes l felt like l was a viewer, but not an outsider.
American Culture: Prices and consumerism
Culture shock experiences in the U.S – One of the first things that struck me was how expensive everything in the states seemed to have become. One of our culture shock stories was when we had lunch at a TGIF restaurant, and there were very few customers. We realized why upon seeing the menu 🙁 . Things like a plate of ribs which were $9 before were now $19.29, double and then some. Even the lunch specials were priced much higher. I guess l am used to the prices in Spain 🙂 .
The portions are also much smaller than l remember. Meal times are earlier than we are used to now, but it was no big deal. Siesta, we still haven’t adjusted to in Spain, so we were out driving (stuck in traffic more like) visiting with friends and family. Prices in the department stores are also higher.
Christmas decorations were already put out, many months ahead of time. There were so many commercials for everything from cars to drugs, to accessories, constant bombardment. Consumerism culture is still very much alive. I realize l don’t miss it at all. Buying does not intrigue me, not any more. I realise it is a vicious cycle of temporary excitement at purchase followed by debt and regret. We have fewer things, are debt free and we like it that way.
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Reverse culture shock: Construction
It had been almost five years since we were in L.A last. I have to say l am not a big fan of the new construction that is springing up everywhere . So many high rise apartment buildings. It seems almost claustrophobic. It’s going on everywhere, from Hollywood to West Hollywood to West L.A.
I barely recognized the Century City Mall 🙁 . L.A traffic still sucks balls!!! The 405 freeway is still a parking lot during rush hour. It took us 2.5 hours to make a 16 mile journey one day. I told my friend it would be the last time l would visit him.. 🙂 . The population seems to be exploding. It made me long for the days of old.
Surprise: Some people are curious
One thing l found surprising was that most of my friends were very curious about our travels. They asked loads of questions and most admitted being envious of the life we chose and hoped someday to be able to travel more (after the kids were grown etc) . I had fully been expecting them to not even mention it, but nope..they wanted to know everything..genuinely interested.
I had fully expected noone to care from what l had been reading from fellow travelers who had made the visit back home. The popular opinion was that your friends and family would be so busy with their lives, they couldn’t care less about yours. While we found this to be true with some, most were curious and prompted me to recount stories.
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US Culture shock: Cleanliness
Perhaps my favourite reverse culture shock. A lot of people who have moved overseas, especially to parts of Europe will agree with me that places like Spain, Italy and France are pretty dirty. I hate the fact that people don’t pick yp the dog mess. The cities smell of pee, and raw sewage sometimes, thanks to the old, old draining and plumbing systems that are impossible to fix in the modern days. It was nice to see the streets clean and poo free :-).
Culture Shock In Reverse: Blending In
What l am really grateful for is how seamless coming back has been. We stayed the first week at my friend’s mom’s house in North Hollywood, and she spoiled us rotten, just like she always did. She made all my favorite food from El Salvador, like Pupusas and plantain.
We spent time at our friends’ house in Palm Springs, overlooking a golf course and with the hulking mountains above and reminisced about the old days. My best friend from Bermuda joined us for a week, and it was a fantastic time, laying around the pool, talking late into the night, cooking together and eating out, mostly Mexican food, something we sorely miss living in Spain.
Family is not just blood relatives, it’s also people that you allow into your life, the ones that have your back and rejoice in your success, pick you up when you’re down and will call you on your s**t :-). Only two people so far have asked if we would ever move back, most want to join us 🙂 . Our answer so far has been no (me) and at some point in a few years, yes (Fede) . There is no right answer by the way. We only have to worry about us, so our decision might take all of five minutes or less 🙂 .
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How to deal with reverse culture shock:
- Stop comparing the two countries
- Give your friends a chance to know the real you (talk about old times)
- Stop boasting about your travels (it’s off putting)
- Spend time with people who have shared experiences with travel
- Realise that you have changed, thanks to your travel experiences and you might have to let go of some relationships
- Know that you can not change people
- Spend time with the ones that do care to hear about your travels
- Ask about their lives too. Everyone likes to be heard
- Relieve shared memories. It can rekindle the affection
Thoughts on reverse culture shock:
Very little cause for concern. It’s okay to feel apprehensive about returning to your home country, but it’s not that scary. Give yourself a little bit of time to adjust and accept things for what they are.
Have you ever experienced reverse culture shock? If yes, how did you deal with it.
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Good for you Kemkem! When we came back to Montreal last summer I think we were kind of happy…that lasted maybe a week. Then I remembered all the reasons we wanted to leave for a life of travel. We stayed a month and were so happy to leave.
The plan was that we wouldn’t have to come back next year. But I also have a few unresolved things: the condo that my renters may want to buy this summer and the stuff in storage that, like you, I have no idea what to do with.
Sometimes I think I should sell the condo and invest in a property somewhere. Then ship the furniture and furnish the thing…maybe make the place a 2nd home or Airbnb apartment…hmmm
You have lots of friends !
Don’t get too comfortable, we want you back travelling!
Frank (bbqboy)
Ps You have a couple of sideways photos Kemkem and now I have a krink in my neck.
I hate the ipad. Sorry about that, but l can’t see which ones. I can’t wait to get back on a real computer…kinky neck suits you!!! 🙂
I think the honeymoon phase will always be there, no matter where you go l think. We have been here 3 weeks now, and it still feels great, partly because we have been a week in 3 different places, but also because we didn’t hate it in the first place, we just felt like we wanted to see other places. It was nice to shed the stuff, pay it forward kind of thing. We are certainly glad to be rid of the stuff, and l like the fact that my sister has the furniture and l can still see them whenever l go home. Your idea sounds fab! I hope the renters buy the place. I think for sure we will be renters from here on out, the urge to go is strong sometimes, and it would be nice to give a 30’day notice as opposed to trying to sell a place. There is more travel left in this body for sure..no worries 🙂
Wish I could meet you guys while you are here! The 405 will never, ever get better, so I wouldn’t count on that. The only way I can tolerate living here is the fact that I don’t, or won’t, drive very far or take the freeway unless I absolutely have to. Kind of makes the city feel smaller that way. The downside of course is that you don’t get to experience all of LA that way.
We might still try to squeeze it in if we can. It would be great to meet up with you. I had totally forgotten the nightmare. My friend R. Is that way too. His life is in Santa Monica and refuses to leave the city. It does make for a small city experience 🙂 .
It’s nice to visit places that you once called home. You can’t beat memories, no matter how much you spend or travel or whatever you do and I believe that such places will always have a special place in our hearts, so I am really happy to hear that you got back there. I am even happier to hear that things are a lot better than expected. Maybe it’s all that delicious food that you’re being spoiled with that has Federico saying that he wants to get back there at some point. :))
Oh… and that Istanbul photo? That is absolutely amazing! I personally see it as a photo competition winner!
Thanks for mentioning that photo C. It is one of my favorite ones of his, and l think l will send it in. Maybe he can make Nat Geo again 🙂 . I think being spoiled definitely has made him nostalgic for coming back, and the fact that he can communicate easily with everyone. It’s not so bad for me since l make him deal with the cable company etc..and he gets frustrated 🙂 . I love my memories, and you put it so well. I am glad to say we can go home again if we ever decide to. The food has been amazing. Federico cooked for us last night, and he was so happy to have the right cooking utensils..hah ha ..that alone makes him want to move back. Ain’t gonna happen soon! 🙂
“Family is not just blood relatives, it’s also people that you allow into your life, the ones that have your back and rejoice in your success, pick you up when you’re down and will call you on your s**t.” Well said!! And ohhhh how I miss Spain prices!
Haha!!! It’s always nice to have people who can cut you down to size when you need it, and for sure l,can count on those guys. Yeah..total shock with the prices. It’s been fun, but now back to the low, low prices of Spain :-). We left yesterday and will be in Seville tomorrow. We have so missed the dogs!!!
You guys are living the life I want to live. I wouldn’t want to permanently move away from Kenya though , despite all the problems here I still love it . What I would do is travel around for a couple of years then eventually come back home.
I hope you enjoyed Thanksgiving.
we keep trying Rachael, we keep trying to :-). my sisters feel the same way about Nigeria, love it to bits despite the problems. That is wonderful. It is definitely growing on me too, the older l get. there is just something about home isn’t there? I am lucky in that l have several “homes”. We had a really lovely Thanksgiving. I was thinking of putting some pictures up now that we are home, but l think the window may have passed..it’s been over a week now,but we had no access to the pictures till now.
‘Love the post kemkem. I’m British as you know, but we sometimes celebrate Thanksgiving with some of our American friends. ‘Depends whose cooking!! Last year, we had a bring-all-your-instruments-you-can-sing-or-perform-if-you-want Thanksgiving Party. It was so cool that we left after middnight and even on a German school night, there were still loads of young kids up and about lol!
I so prefer Christmas in Germany. I miss my brothers of course, but Xmas in Germany is so much more traditional and relaxing. And they have Chrstmas Markets too. p.s. I’m in England at least once a year so there’s not much culture shock except for the prices. Thank goodness for my press trip in Bristol last month where most things were covered, but when I went to the city of Bath, which was on my own dime, I ended up with sandwiches for lunch and a steak and kidney pie as the currency rate for the pound to the Euro was so high lol!
Thanks Victoria! That Thanksgiving sounds awesome! I envy the fact that you can stay up so late..hahah 🙂 . We had a chance to experience a Christmas market in Marseille, and it was pretty nice. I would like Berlin’s too l’m sure. We will meet up again one of these days, Bath just couldn’t happen for us last month, we were knackered. How nice to have things covered eh? I need some of that, that is one of my goals for the next year. London really is getting too outrageous price wise..our ten days cost a pretty penny, but it was fun. Exchange rate is better the other way for sure.. 🙂
I feel like it is imperative to go back and see family and friends every so often… mostly to remind ourselves why we left (it sounds negative but really it’s not). And of course, to eat, and eat, and eat. And drink good wine and whisky. haha. We try to go back every year, but it has been two years in April of next year. So we are trying to figure out a trip soon. The flights are so cheap right now too. Keeping my fingers crossed.
I am so glad it was a fairly easy trip and that everything went smoothly!
And eat we did.. :-). It was so great to see everyone, friends, family and to satisfy my cravings for margarita,and pancakes with real syrup.I hope you guys get to visit soon and l can’t wait to read all about it. Cool that the prices are cheap, you gotta love that!!! Nope! It doesn’t sound negative a t all.. l know what you mean. 🙂
Way to let go of stuff you don’t need! The photos with your friends look joyful; what a great group to come home to when you do come home. I hear you on the costs of things in the U.S.; I felt the same way when I went back home last summer. Or maybe we’re just used to living simpler lives in Europe? Anyhow, that Palm Springs photo is beckoning – I bet it’d be hard to leave!
The way l figure it, it might has well be of good use to people who can use it. Silly to leave it in storage now that we know that we won’t be headed back for a long time. Yeah.. I got lucky, l have a great set of friends. It was great to be back for a bit. I think we are just spoilt with the prices in Europe. The simple life suits us fine here. It was hard to leave Palm Springs 🙂 . Federico was in love with our friends tricked out kitchen and is still talking about it..hahah