The pandemic has definitely disrupted my social life in some subtle ways. I feel a bit more detached from friends, The fact that the virus seems to be steamrolling over everything merrily and mightily makes it obvious that things are not going to change anytime soon. Here are some subtle thing l’ve noticed.
How the pandemic has disrupted friendships
When this whole brouhaha started back in March (tell me it doesn’t feel like a lifetime ago), I chronicled tales from the lockdown still hoping it wouldn’t be a long one. I was feeling great about my progress with integrating into Spanish life, the year was looking even better than the last.
Casual acquaintances gone by the wayside:
I’ve written before about my gym and looking forward to the classes l took back then, especially Zumba and Kickboxing. I had made casual friends in the classes and it was a ritual for us to be a few minutes early, not just to secure our spots but to also chitchat and do a bit of chismoso (gossip).
This was especially fun for me because l was maybe one of three people at the club (at least that l knew) that spoke English. The gym was in a local barrio, and not the touristy areas so you hardly hear English being spoken. In the beginning, l just smiled a lot and couldn’t contribute to anything being said to me.
With the combination of the help from Denise, a Brazilian woman who spoke a bit of English, and my Spanish weekly classes, my comprehension got a bit better. Little by little, the women said more, and l understood, at least enough to piece together what was being said.
Then l was being included in their little whispering (what instructor was leaving and what guy was wearing the tightest gym shorts, and boy were they tight!!!. All the lovely tidbits enquiring minds wanted to know. Yes, I loved it because it signaled to me l was no longer the extranjera (foreigner).
I got to know some of the women, we chatted after class while waiting for spouses to finish up, we sometimes would go for a walk or bike home from the gym. I knew about their kids in school, what cities they were from originally and so much more.
My Spanish class was pretty much the same. We started out with about 16 people from different parts of the world. Most were shy from the get-go. By the second or third week after l joined the class( I started later as l was on the waiting list), we would all be chatting away before the class started.
A little Russian/French/Arabic/German and whatever else mixed with Spanish and a lot of hand gesturing plus Google Translate and the teacher had to restrain us often when she entered. It was a lot of fun. Then just like that, everything ground to a stop.
The virus put us in lockdown, one of the harshest ones in the world, and we had no place to go, not even for exercise. At first, it wasn’t so bad, we were chatting on WhatsApp. I found a Zumba and kickboxing class on YouTube that l shared with others and we were keeping up with the classes that way.
Social media exuberance loses it allure:
As the lockdown dragged on, the chatting became less frequent. Few people showed up for the Zoom classes. We all seemed to be over the initial excitement. The reality of it all hit. I’ve never been fond of telephones and it was a hardship to add that to my interviews for the podcast. Sad to say that l haven’t been in touch with any of them for a while.
One of these Spanish casual friends sent me an online holiday card, and for the life of me, I can’t remember her face. Over half of them have Anna Maria in their names in one way or the other. Maria Ana, Maria Anna, Maria Luz, Maria Carmen, etc. Have you ever seen those profile pictures on WhatsApp? It tells me nothing! :-). It’s sometimes flowers, their kid, their hubby, dog… you name it!
As someone who was fond of being indoors prior to the quarantine anyway, the lockdown didn’t take a hard toll on me. I do feel bad for people who are the outdoorsy type. It must have, and probably still is to a lesser extent, been quite hard.
The subject of another complete lockdown for the Valencia province has come up again as we have high numbers of infections putting pressure on available hospital beds. A friend has had his surgery canceled. For help on coping with depression for those who need it, here is advice from the CDC and some pointers from my pscychologist friend on this interview.
On the lighter side, my Spanish class starts up again today… Yeah! We are being allowed to attend without having to pay because they are still unsure of whether a lockdown will happen. If it doesn’t, we will pay for the classes in February ( haha.. it feels great going from kindergarten to primary 1! 🙂 ). I hope that l get to see old familiar faces and we can pick up where we left off.
Seeing friends less often:
My circle of friends has also grown smaller as we all have had to hunker down. My foodie group that used to meet for lunch once a month has not done so since February. I don’t know if it will survive, much like the restaurants. That would suck as we really worked hard to build it up.
Nowadays, we stick to a small subset group of friends, especially since the limit is now down to four for eating together. Not knowing what’s going to happen next makes it tough to even try and arrange get-togethers.
Federico loves to watch soccer with his friend (and l love it because l get a break from constant football statistics and perceived injustices to his team 🙂 ), but now they can only watch together if the game ends by 9:30 pm or so because curfew is at 10 and the police are quite strict about that.
Another lockdown on the horizon?
Restaurant owners have taken to protesting on a regular basis about having to close at 5 pm because they can’t survive. Here’s a short video my friend shot with some protesters on her street.
2021 is not looking any better as far as friendships that have been disrupted being repaired. My hope is that this doesn’t go on for too much longer. Isolation is not good for human beings. We need to resume some semblance of a prior life.
For me, travel can wait a bit more. More human interaction is what l am craving right. I even feel like seeing my dumbarse cousin who pissed me off mightly, just so l can smack her in the head :-), so you know know this too shall pass for us all.
Have you noticed the same in your day to day life? Has the pandemic disrupted any of your friendships, or are you oblivious to it?
Up until last March, I had between 5 and 12 folks joining me for Friday night dinner. And, my children shared all the holiday meals with me…
Now, being a live-alone has been just that- living alone.
So sorry to hear that. The disruption it has caused is enormous, and it must be really difficult, especially being so close, and yet so far. Hang in there. This too shall pass :-).
I live alone. It’s been interesting to say the least. I have carved out routines that I will keep. I have friends and we social distance, wear masks and walk together! Those are special times.
I am so glad to hear that you have routines in place to make things more manageable. It’s a blessing that you are able to walk and hang out together. It makes you see that we can’t take anything for granted. I wish others would mask up too. The sooner we get our shite together, the sooner we can leave this mess all behind us. :-).
Kem, the busyness of my former life included people that I have not heard from in months. I miss them (to a degree), but, I miss being a part of the activity even more. Casual friendships can be replaced and life will go on. Our good friends will still be there when we get back to normal. Gratefully, that is a connection not affected by absence. The vaccine is slowly, slowly being administered in our community, and every day I log onto the website, hoping to get an appointment. No luck yet, but I am hopeful that it will be soon. Not being able to travel is killing me, but we are making plans, so there’s that. Stay well and keep looking for the light at the end of the tunnel – it is out there!
Yeah! I really enjoyed going to the gym, mentally, physically… and for the chitchat. Like you say though, we must soldier on. Some friends and l were just talking about that yesterday on FB and while l was typing, I was listening to the governor speak and announced that starting tomorrow, all restaurants, gyms, etc will be shut completely. Life will go on for us, but it’s looking doubtful for so many restaurants. My best friends of 30 plus years, we’ve been chugging along nicely as like you say, distance hasn’t been an object.
One of my old housemates just sent me a picture of my mom from one of her visits to the states many moons ago that he found in a drawer while moving, and now has her prominently displayed and it felt so good to see, and hear. My pharmacist friends are either getting their jabs soon or already have the first shots, so hopefully sooner than later, we can have some life again. You guys hang in tight as well. I am seeing some dim, very dim light….haha!
Thank you Kemkem for such an insightful article!
Great minds think alike as we recently wrote a post on reconnecting with friends.
This pandemic has stressed everyone’s lives.
Fortunately, there’s light at the end of the tunnel with the vaccines.
Stay safe and healthy
Thanks for reading Debbie. It seems friendship is on everyone’s mind lately. As of this morning, all restaurants are now shut. Prior to this, 4 people could seat at a gathering. Now, with them being shut, you are allowed to be 6… but where when everything is closed! :-). We had one class of Spanish, and now the university is closed again. I can’t wait for that light. It would be a welcome relief. Stay safe you guys! 🙂
We’re definitely on the same page with this. We also have a young boy around (he’s seven) and I think that he hurts the most. At his age, not being able to meet up with lots of other kids and play is heartbreaking (at least for me as a parent). Zoom meetings and any other online form of interaction still can’t replace good ol’ face to face meetings, especially when some sort of physical activity is involved.
However, I always think that it could’ve been much worse: if this pandemic came some 15-20 years ago, we wouldn’t have had these online means for interaction and I am sure that the whole situation would’ve been almost impossible to accept – especially for such a long time. Let’s just hope that there’s no permanent damage and lost friendships will flourish once things get back to normal.
It must really be awful for kids because they have so much energy to burn, especially with other kids. Parents and other adults are no substitute for good old fashioned tomfoolery. You’re right, all the online social media stuff can not replace being able to physically be together.
Yikes! For sure if this had happened many years ago, pre-internet days, I think the world would have seen so much more depression and addiction. Human beings are just social animals and the glaring lack of it, especially with no FB, Instagram, and what not? I can’t begin to picture it. I of course remember the good old days of the modem speed at like 9.6 or something. You could say hello, go make your lunch and come back before you get the reply! :-). I am so looking forward to some sort of normal life again.
Kemkem, I couldn’t agree more, this pandemic has been very disruptive with our friendships. Keeping up via Zoom, FB or Wup is not the same, although I guess it is better than nothing. I really miss seeing my family and friends, particularly now that we can’t even see our daughter ( she lives in another city). I am glad your Spanish lessons are starting again, it is so easy to forget a new language when we are not practicing it regularly. Our recent lockdown has been hard, particularly because so many people are not following the rules as well as they did with the first lockdown, therefore rates of infection are not coming down and the COVID death rate continues to be high. Our only hope is that the vaccine will make a positive impact very soon.
Yeah, the social media thing has lost its glow, not that l was using it much, to be honest. It’s just not the same, but as you say, it is better than nothing. I was just reading this morning that pretty soon, you can’t have people from another household in yours. The region was denied a total lockdown by the Spanish government, so they are getting as close to it as they can. The infection rate seems to have quadrupled since the holidays.
It sucks that your daughter is so close, and yet so far. I can’t help but wonder how much longer this will be going on, especially if new strains keep coming on the horizon. I am a bit ruffled as the same politicians relaxed the rules for the holidays. I mean, what did they think would happen? (sigh). My Spanish class only lasted 1 week (and l was the sole student who came back 🙂 ), now shut down till Feb 8, or until they lift the restrictions. Maddening.
I also hope the vaccine helps in one way or the other, hopefully for the better. Stay safe, and hand in there too! 🙂
Hola, Kem. Another casualty of this pandemic is not being able to travel. I really miss your travelogues because they were always interesting and informative.
I had a good chuckle about your confusion with names in Spain. I currently teach at a primary school near the airport. We have 20 teachers at my school and nearly half of them have Anna and/or Maria in their name (four Maria Jose, two Maria Carmen, two Anna Maria and one Ana Isabella)!
Stay safe and hopefully this pandemic will end by summer. Looking forward to hanging out up again.
Yes, it would be great to be able to travel again. So good to hear you enjoy my travel babbles! 🙂
I sometimes what would happen if l just yell “Anna Maria” in a street full of people. I am willing to bet that at least three-quarters of the women would respond… :-). You gave me a good laugh too, as l can imagine how confusing it must have been, at least at first for you to adjust to who was whom. In my culture, everyone strives to come up with unique names, and here, they seem to strive for the same name. I guess it’s religion-based.
Hoping to be able to chill with you again soon as well. Stay safe :-).
Of course I love your travel babbles. How do you think I learned so much about Valencia?
Haha! Good to know how it all came about. Thanks 🙂 :-).